Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
