Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
