This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
high people should be assigned attendants
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
