Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
