my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
