She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
