I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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