I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
