$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ladies don't puke and tell
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
