Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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