I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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