Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
