It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
