Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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