Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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