I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
