they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
