I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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