I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Randomize
