Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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