***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
