I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
