maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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