No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
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