theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
