Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
