Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
