Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
