were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
