Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dicks are not precious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
