I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
