guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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