god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
