things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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