yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
