She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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