What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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