happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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