I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
