The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
