i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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