Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
