That's intense
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
