And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
