just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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