drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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