Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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