Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
