my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
