cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I love having hate sex.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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