I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
