those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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