If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
