told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
