Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
